Release Date: April 27th, 2007 by Lionsgate Films.
The Cast: Steve Austin, Vinnie Jones, Rick Hoffman, Robert Mammone, Tory Mussett, Christopher Baker, Sam Healy, Madeleine West, Luke Pegler, Masa Yamaguchi, Emelia Burns.
Directed by Scott Wiper.
BASIC PREMISE: TV producer Ian Breckel (Mammone) puts ten convicted killers from row on deserted island to film a survival-of-the-fittest reality show for a website.
ENTERTAINMENT VALUE: The premise of putting ten ruthless, convicted killers on island and watching them try to kill each other gets old very quickly. WWE wrestler Steve Austin, who has zero acting abilities, plays Jack, who happens to be wrongfully convicted. Then there’s Vinnie Jones as Ewan, whose darkly comic relief always falls flat. The vapid, inane plot follows the convicts as they use any means necessary to kill one another while being filmed. Predictably, they try to turn against the show’s producer, Ian. It makes no sense how Ian manages to generate over forty million subscribers to the website, more than the number of households who watch the Superbowl. Co-writer/director Scott Wiper has the nerve to include an unnecessary romantic subplot involving Jack and his wife who waits for him at home and looks on at the website footage while shedding some tears. Even the action scenes feel unimaginative, tedious and pointless. To add insult to injury, the running time is an excruciating 113 minutes which could have easily been edited down to 80 minutes, or, better yet, 0 minutes. From start to finish, The Condemned feels like a painfully amateur, direct-to-DVD movie with horrible acting, writing and directing. Scott Wiper is the new Uwe Boll.
SPIRITUAL VALUE: None is required or desired.
INSULT TO YOUR INTELLIGENCE: Every single frame, even if you check your brain at the door.
NUMBER OF TIMES I CHECKED MY WATCH: 26
IN A NUTSHELL: Tedious, inane, vapid, contrived, pointless and painfully amateur in every respect.
RECOMMENDED WAY TO WATCH: Never
The "C" Menu