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A Tale of Two Pizzas (Unrated)

Release Date: October 7th, 2005 (NYC-AMC Empire 25)
The Cast: Vincent Pastore, Frank Vincent, Robin Paul, Conor Dubin, Patti D’Arbanville.
Directed by Vincent Sassone.

BASIC PREMISE: Two New York families who own separate pizzerias compete for the best-tasting pie.

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE: There are very few surprises throughout this romantic comedy. The only surprises are a few animated scenes, such as the inventive opening credits which are with plenty of style. If only the rest of the film was just as stylish and imaginative. The problem with the plot is that there is not enough at stake for either pizzeria owner. Their main goal is to steal secret recipes from one another so that they can impress an ex-pizzeria owner who judges the final pizzas. The characters are one-dimensional and nobody stands out as funny or charming. There is a somewhat interesting subplot about a romance between Tony (Dubin) from one pizzeria and Angela (Paul) from the feuding pizzeria. Both attended high school together, but are only starting to date now. Dubin gives a mediocre performance as Tony and his character is very bland. It is difficult to understand what Angela sees in him. Unfortunately, the script is too stilted to be warm or funny. It is also riddled with many eye-rolling clichés. The 3rd act is so contrived and predictable that it is almost painful to watch.

SPIRITUAL VALUE: This basic message is that constantly fighting and competing is not productive in any way.

INSULT TO YOUR INTELLIGENCE: Weak script, predictable plot, and not enough humor.


THE BOTTOM LINE: A bland, predictable film that ultimately fails to be funny, insightful, or moving—although it does have great animated sequences. By the end of this film, you won’t be craving pizza but rather a better written and enjoyable film that centers on food, such as Big Night or What's Cooking?


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