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They're Just My Friends (Unrated)





Release Date: September 22nd, 2006 (Village East Cinema) by Punchiní Pat Productions.
The Cast: Patrick Nwamu, Jr., Malik Yoba, Bruce Altman, Thom Christopher, Al Snow, Louis Vanaria, Taimak, Lord Jamar, Rue Debona, Michael Easton, Jas Anderson, John "Cha Cha" Ciarcia, Tommy Gallagher, Phil Cabasino.
Directed by Attika J. Torrence.

BASIC PREMISE: Pat Black (Nwamu, Jr.), a boxer, gets involved in the mafia while romancing Gina (Debona). Based on a true story.

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE:Theyíre Just My Friends fails as a drama and as a romance. It does succeed as a comedy, but only because the dialogue is often unintentionally funny. Patrick Nwamu, Jr. gives a mediocre performance as Pat Black, a boxer who befriends the local mafia group called The Lodgeóooh, how intimidating that name sounds! He meets Gina at a club at the two have an interracial relationship which mostly involves a lot of sex. Mr. Frank Gibbs (Altman) helps him to get out of jail at one point. What make this movie so painful to watch are the awkward cinematography and the uncomfortably stilted script by incompetent screenwriters Patrick Nwamu Jr. and Charles Messina. Not one scene feels real and not a single character is remotely believable or likable. Itís as if the writers could be aliens who donít know much about human behavior and interaction. EVen the film's title is poorly chosen. The flashbacks with Patís father (Yoba) donít amount to anything in terms of entertainment or coherence. The contrived plot has so many holes and jumps around so much, it quickly induces a headache. To add insult to injury, incompetent director Attika J. Torrence drags the film on for two whole hours and gives the hint of a potential sequel.

SPIRITUAL VALUE: Unfortunately, none.

INSULT TO YOUR INTELLIGENCE: Every single line of dialogue.

NUMBER OF TIMES I CHECKED MY WATCH: 22

IN A NUTSHELL: Incompetently written, directed and acted. A painfully stilted, unintentionally funny and contrived film.

RECOMMENDED WAY TO WATCH: Never ever.


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